28.8.11

Home..


In the past, I thought that a home is just a niche of individuals tied by fate to be together for a certain life frame, and that's just intrinsic. It feeds me with the mentality that love is something that you gain through the evolution of time, which is precisely the reason why on a lot of instances, you'd fall in love with a person most proximate to you. It may be about the juxtaposition of interest, and how beyond those contrasts there exists a necessary complement, and that completes a mutual inclination of emotions. At the moment those emotions gravitate towards each other, that's what you call LOVE. 

I had a very cool weekend. I went home and so I spent a day with my family and I realized a lot of things. I'm just few steps away from home when I felt that eagerness to see them. I saw my Ma, my sisters , brother and nephews. I looked at the eyes of my brother and I realized how lucky I am  to have these people in my life. Because you know that at the very least, they will never back off their cleaves on you. They will always be there regardless of what's gonna happen. They exist to support you with whatever endeavors you're going to take in your life. 

I realized how pretty detached had I been in the past from them. I never spared enough to value what should have been valued in the first place. It took me years to realize that what I could have spent of hours for someone else is already too much of what I could have possibly spared with them. But they never reproached me for who I am. They always feel that what I do is what I think is good for me, and they used to believe it. And so I really did take time sharing with them and it always makes me feel at home. Deductively, the way I explore world came at the risk of preserving the value of my familial attachment. 

When my mother asked me of what happened the few weeks ago, I just denied everything. Actually, I'm not the type who shares almost everything to their families. I have the feeling of suppressing my emotions from them because I don't want them to see me down. And so they always see the bright side of me, a way of healing that at least, I'm happy with what I'm doing. With such a brand of mentality, I was thinking that if I ever do it that way, they would not worry for me for the rest of my life. Because I know that deep inside, they extract a good of confidence and spirit of optimism from me. And I just don't want to lose that.

A few hours ago, I told my sisters that because there were just too many things that happened when I got back, I never got the opportunity to savor the nostalgia of my US experience. It's quite sad how I almost feel numb about what exactly happened there not until I would see our pictures and recall the memories of my 5 weeks American life. I also came to ask my mom about how I appear to them. I asked them if they could still feel my existence. And she told me that I'm such a 'come and go' person, but that they're happy when I get home. Now that thought makes me smile a lot.

I almost got insane for being blind of certain things these recent days not until I would find my closest friends backing off from me because they found me still lurking with my past. I never wished for them to threaten me that way, but now all I wanna do is thank them for bringing me up again and straighten me out to see both sides of the equation. Now, all I wanna do is to realign my priorities. I want to do well in academics again, and at the same time, strike a paternal interest of continuing my extra-curricular engagements. Speaking of which, I'm supposed to be the Champion of the Feature Writing in Palakasan but I got a 5 point deduction for being late for 34 minutes and so I just landed 4th.  But I'm happy about the results. I never expected they would appreciate my writing that much since I'm competing against the best of the colleges. Just seeing the positive light of things makes life a lot worth living.

I hope really that people will count on my experiences.It amazes me how this blog gets a wide array of readership.The lesson in this post is for us to value our families. Because in the end, they will be the real persons you could count on. It won't hurt if you would learn to trust again. But always remember that trust is something that is earned, and not randomly given.


These are some happy times that will never be revived again, at least with this group. But I'm happy now, so that doesn't really make a big deal to me. It pretty annoys me how other people still come to text me that they've seen this person with someone else, or they've slept together in their place or whatever. I mean, I've had enough of it. And I'm out of whatever those people are gonna do with their lives. Keep me out of the shit they were into, 'cause I just don't really care. So people, get over it, 'cause I already moved on. I'm living a far way better life now, a life of keeping what's worth keeping in the end. All I wanna do is forget. And if something's gonna start all over again, that's me and me alone rebuilding myself. 

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