Reminiscing the Past MPDC

It's near MPDC and I still can't find myself in the corridors of ADZU very soon, battling it out to defend the debate title. I can't reconcile the fact that I haven't practiced a lot for such a big game to engage into. As far as I could remember, I have only joined three practices for this semester including that one before I went to US. So apparently, I haven't really geared myself enough for such a challenge to take.

I remember how in the past, days before 23rd MPDC, I was asking  Jay-R on what are we gonna do if ever no team from IIT will break. And then we just got silent, because we know that time that it's also possible. But luckily, it didn't turn out that way. We were in the 1st and 2nd in the breaks. Woah! That's just a blast performance for IIT most especially that it's in Asians.

Right now, I do have the same fears again. What if Calvin and I won't break? Nothing really is impossible. It is fresh in my memory that Calvin and Ara didn't break in last year's BP MPDC  even if both of them ended up in the Top Ten Best Speakers.

But still, I really don't find myself going to Zambo either. I know I have a lot of friends there but it's just the first time that I would really want to back-out going to MPDC.  In the past, I'm really excited for competitions but then this time, it's just that I feel going there not for winning, but get humiliated. Haha, fine so sentimentalist. But there's just a reason why I don't wish seeing some people's faces there. I'm gonna go there regardless and just act for the competition simply because it's necessary and I'm doing this for IIT. It's time to subside all the personal issues when it's already for the contest. After all, I'll go there to join the debate, nothing more and nothing less.



In the past, I thought that a home is just a niche of individuals tied by fate to be together for a certain life frame, and that's just intrinsic. It feeds me with the mentality that love is something that you gain through the evolution of time, which is precisely the reason why on a lot of instances, you'd fall in love with a person most proximate to you. It may be about the juxtaposition of interest, and how beyond those contrasts there exists a necessary complement, and that completes a mutual inclination of emotions. At the moment those emotions gravitate towards each other, that's what you call LOVE. 

I had a very cool weekend. I went home and so I spent a day with my family and I realized a lot of things. I'm just few steps away from home when I felt that eagerness to see them. I saw my Ma, my sisters , brother and nephews. I looked at the eyes of my brother and I realized how lucky I am  to have these people in my life. Because you know that at the very least, they will never back off their cleaves on you. They will always be there regardless of what's gonna happen. They exist to support you with whatever endeavors you're going to take in your life. 

I realized how pretty detached had I been in the past from them. I never spared enough to value what should have been valued in the first place. It took me years to realize that what I could have spent of hours for someone else is already too much of what I could have possibly spared with them. But they never reproached me for who I am. They always feel that what I do is what I think is good for me, and they used to believe it. And so I really did take time sharing with them and it always makes me feel at home. Deductively, the way I explore world came at the risk of preserving the value of my familial attachment. 

When my mother asked me of what happened the few weeks ago, I just denied everything. Actually, I'm not the type who shares almost everything to their families. I have the feeling of suppressing my emotions from them because I don't want them to see me down. And so they always see the bright side of me, a way of healing that at least, I'm happy with what I'm doing. With such a brand of mentality, I was thinking that if I ever do it that way, they would not worry for me for the rest of my life. Because I know that deep inside, they extract a good of confidence and spirit of optimism from me. And I just don't want to lose that.

A few hours ago, I told my sisters that because there were just too many things that happened when I got back, I never got the opportunity to savor the nostalgia of my US experience. It's quite sad how I almost feel numb about what exactly happened there not until I would see our pictures and recall the memories of my 5 weeks American life. I also came to ask my mom about how I appear to them. I asked them if they could still feel my existence. And she told me that I'm such a 'come and go' person, but that they're happy when I get home. Now that thought makes me smile a lot.

I almost got insane for being blind of certain things these recent days not until I would find my closest friends backing off from me because they found me still lurking with my past. I never wished for them to threaten me that way, but now all I wanna do is thank them for bringing me up again and straighten me out to see both sides of the equation. Now, all I wanna do is to realign my priorities. I want to do well in academics again, and at the same time, strike a paternal interest of continuing my extra-curricular engagements. Speaking of which, I'm supposed to be the Champion of the Feature Writing in Palakasan but I got a 5 point deduction for being late for 34 minutes and so I just landed 4th.  But I'm happy about the results. I never expected they would appreciate my writing that much since I'm competing against the best of the colleges. Just seeing the positive light of things makes life a lot worth living.

I hope really that people will count on my experiences.It amazes me how this blog gets a wide array of readership.The lesson in this post is for us to value our families. Because in the end, they will be the real persons you could count on. It won't hurt if you would learn to trust again. But always remember that trust is something that is earned, and not randomly given.

These are some happy times that will never be revived again, at least with this group. But I'm happy now, so that doesn't really make a big deal to me. It pretty annoys me how other people still come to text me that they've seen this person with someone else, or they've slept together in their place or whatever. I mean, I've had enough of it. And I'm out of whatever those people are gonna do with their lives. Keep me out of the shit they were into, 'cause I just don't really care. So people, get over it, 'cause I already moved on. I'm living a far way better life now, a life of keeping what's worth keeping in the end. All I wanna do is forget. And if something's gonna start all over again, that's me and me alone rebuilding myself. 



Tonight, I will study.
And tomorrow, I will break a leg in my major exam, that I promise to myself.
No room for mediocrity, or even failures.


Life Right There

I love New York and I would always yearn for the time when I would go back in that place.It feels so good that when you're able to set your foot on that place, you'd feel some sense of achievement.I would look forward for that time to be a New Yorker and make a living in the City that Never Sleeps. New York Times Square, the best place I guess in the city, is just a total blast. It feels like heaven to be there.I hope I could spend more time shopping in that concrete jungle with all the awesome lights and popular spots which I used to see only in movies.New York is just everything - the busy streets, people with diverse interests and the skycrapers define how the city prouds itself in reaching the top. It reminds me of myself thinking that mediocrity is just an unacceptable word for me. I will never settle for the less. I will always try my best to be on top. New York  - the concrete jungle where dreams are made of.


Starting Life Anew...

This is the time when I have to look at things in long-term.
There's no time for waiting for other people to change.
You need to project yourself based on your future ideals.
Never let anyone steal what you've got for your own fulfillment.
Don't make them laugh at your own demise.
Fate will give them the right vengeance.
Their lack of guilt is a manifestation of their shallow characters.
And thus, they'll find their ways resolved for who they are.
Your destination as a person is destined by your ways to other people.
Your deeds advance your real persona.
Don't hide on other people's faces.
You are who you are, and you alone knew it.
Never allow anyone intrude your pursuit for your goals.
They'll get less based on what they've done to you.
After all, their deeds will all come back to them.
And that will make them badly incomplete.
Think of the people who value you the most.
And treasure those memories with you.
Forget the rest paved by those who don't deserve you.
They aren't worth keeping enough for you to love them back.
Learn to trust that life has a spot for you.
But don't trust other people easily.
Believe that life has secured you a discreet opportunity.
Not anyone is even in rush.
Take it one step at a time.
Learn the lessons your experiences gave you.
Don't throw the good things away.
Keep them with you and extract the good out of it.
Get rid of those bad memories the experience shared.
And that way, you'll be a better person.
Don't think of what the other person would do.
They got you hanging in foolishness before they respected you.
Count on what vengeance means.
But don't act on it.
Let the fate do, and give yourself a leap of ahievement.
For in the end they'll realize.
They just didn't lose you.
They lost the right direction.
Never care about those people that pull you down.
They don't even deserve something for themselves.
How much more judging others already in leverage.
Keep yourself on the right track.

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