15.3.11

Predicaments: On Being Perfectly Imperfect


There are a lot of things in life that we aspire and hope for. 

These are motivations to people in their everyday living. These are things that others look forward to which gives them the fuel to live their lives fully. Indeed, a contented person is a person living in temporal facets of life. Because a person exists for other people, live his life with those people and gauge his life to the views of people around him. And that fact couples to the idea that people live in insecurities. 

We always come to say there could have been a better me if I were someone else. But you might not know, that someone else hoped a life you’ve lived not of its own value but of forth comings to overthrow anyone ahead of you. 

We can say that the elusive nature of satisfaction catalyzes the spice we feel in our lives. To other people, they believe that living for wants is the reason of waking up in the morning. Every morning, as I read a verse in the Bible, a lot of realization comes into me. Most of which are things we would reproach for as obvious, yet we didn’t do anything to attest to its word. 

There are things that we only come to believe when we’re able to experience it because we feel that other people’s experiences aren’t enough to validate that fact.

 Everyone has a unique perspective of life. I once thought that the only people with which we should have emotional attachments are families. But as time unfolds, we come to share our lives with our friends, then to other people that we believe are special. Yet at this moment, we come to face a lot of constraints. 

Sometimes, our prioritization of choices massively involves compromising a certain party for the benefit of the other. Despite all efforts to strike a balance on all interests, bullshit happens and everything else turned out to be a crap. My life is a planned life. Before I take choices for myself, my parent’s discretion is way ahead of me. Those are choices under the assumption that they don’t believe me in making things out for myself. In my high school, I chose to study in a school 37 kilometers away from home. So I think, it pretty means setting off from my parents. At least they respected my decision. 

Things have changed a lot from that day forward. I became more responsible to myself. I managed to earn on my own. I am not asking money from them anymore. Up ‘till now I still can’t explain how I survived those years. Call me rogue cause I really am. But now, I feel like I’ve lost so much time I should have spent with my family. That’s why I always find myself going home every weekend these months. I realized, I made heavy decisions way too early.

But beyond that, I still crave for things I should have done when I was any younger. I just got mature in a very young age. Now, I envy young people of my ages who haven’t separated from their family. But at the same time, I pity those people who don’t really know the real value of a home, of respecting parents and loving siblings. Despite the fact that I am away from them, I can still feel their love for me. Now this gets even more random. So yes, I am the type of person who wanted to be loved. I think that’s the commonality that everyone above the earth really wanted, so that doesn't really prove the exclusivity on me. I'm perfectly imperfect.

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